When Nothing Happens.
I began by placing two pillows underneath my knees as I made my way into a seated meditation position on the edge of my twin bed which is placed on the floor. I usually begin a mediation session with a few deep breaths followed by a focus on the tip of my nose where I can feel the breath enter and exit.I find that this method usually allows me to relax and fall into a concentrated state. As I focused on the in and out of the breath I began to notice my mind drift off to other thoughts, so I redirected my attention back on the breath. Again and again for about 5 minutes this back and forth of noticing thoughts followed by a refocus on the breath happened until there was a sustained focus on the breath and only the breath. I began to notice the voice in my head chatting as I sat motionlessly. I remember observing my breath from a metaphorical distance as if I wasn’t controlling any aspect of my body. I found this very interesting so I decided to test the voice some more. I thought about moving my finger, but my finger didn’t move. I thought this was kind of odd. I then imagined the neuron that connected my finger to my brain and attempted to stimulate my finger to move. Nothing happened. I just sat there. All a while I was still noticing my breath and the deep in and out motion my body was making, but I was controlling none of it. Then it happened. The voice in my head stopped. I didn’t feel my heartbeat as I usually do nor did I feel the motion that my body makes when I breathe in and out. I sat there, paralyzed, By the moment…
I am writing this at 5 PM today. I woke up at 8 AM. I began today practicing my swim technique for 45 minutes at the gym’s pool. I then had a virtual class from 10–12 followed by a trip to the bike store to fix the shifting on my new road bike. I then prioritized a bike ride on the trainer while watching nursing videos which I deemed my study session. After all those things, I told myself I should meditate just for a bit. I pushed off meditation the majority of the day because it’s hard and can be boring and no one likes an activity that contains both of those elements. In all, I spent 9 hours of the day doing things that were easy and spent 20 minutes doing something difficult. Yeah, the 9 hours spent doing tasks that I wanted to do will be of great significance in the future, the 20 minutes of difficulty gave me a piece of mind which changed my perspective on life.
We are often good at prioritizing the things we want to do and easily push off the things we don’t want to do or that are difficult. We convince ourselves not to do things we don’t want to do or that are hard by making excuses. These excuses are our justification that pushing them off to a later date is okay. More often than not, the tasks that we pushed off due to our excuses time will never be accomplished or they will be compounded and cause us stress. Change comes when we quit with our excuses and allow ourselves to embark down those difficult paths which test who we are and ultimately gives us insight on the question of: Where do we want to go? Live uncomfortably.